shakings.

A few weeks ago, I was in my first earthquake. I was so afraid. There were many elements of the shaking that made it scary. I was in my condo and I don’t trust the buildings here. I was alone and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I should stay inside or go out. For many reasons, it was frightening. But perhaps the most frightening thing was seeing how much fear I had. I had no control, no understanding, no directions, no one else…and I was scared. 

After the shakings stopped, I was left broken. I saw me in my raw state. I saw how I lacked trust in God. I saw how I was so desperate to seek shelter and safety elsewhere…not in Him. The earthquake, so much more than physical, shook me to the core. 

It’s so easy to sing songs and confess to Him with words about surrender, abandonment, trust. But in those raw moments, sometimes it’s much more difficult to whole-heartedly surrender…for abandonment to be the natural response. 

Twas sobering to learn this about myself and see how much more I need to grow. 

Always learning, always growing. 

Sometimes, the shakings are good. 

Sometimes, the shakings must take place to show the greater that’s to come. 

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